Deborah's Substack

Postpartum Diary: Will I be a good Mommy?

Mon, 26 Jan 2026 22:20:00 GMT

I find myself pondering a lot about being a good mom.

What is a good Mother? Am I going to repeat a cycle? Will I break generational curses? Am I “healed enough” or Stable enough to be a Mommy? Will I perpetuate the things I’ve witnessed from women in my immediate family? Am I strong enough to be a mother?

I find myself asking these questions and many more alike. The honest truth is who knows the perception my child/children will have of me one day. I can’t sit around pondering because the time is here.

I gave birth to Miss Trinidee Wynter White on December 1st 2025 at 10:08AM. I was 28wk3d, I went into the hospital not expecting to deliver the next day but Hey, she and my body had other plans in store for me. Maybe I’ll give you all a birth story but not today. Today I am here to speak on this concept of “Being a Good Mom.” and what this means to me and for me.

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A quick Google searches AI overview say’s: “A good mother provides unconditional love, support, and a safe environment, teaching essential values while also prioritizing her own well-being and admitting mistakes, fostering independence and authenticity in her children rather than striving for impossible perfection, notes. Key traits include patience, empathy, clear communication, setting boundaries, modeling positive behavior, and showing affection, while understanding that being “good enough” means learning and growing with the child.” Then I googled: How will I know I am a “Good Mother?” AI overview says “You know you’re a good mom when you provide unconditional love, safety, and support, listen to your children’s unique needs, apologize when you’re wrong, and encourage their individuality, even if you’re not perfect or have tough days—because your consistent effort to show up, connect, and meet their needs builds trust and a strong bond.”

Being a “Good Mother”

I think the overall concept of “Being a good mom” is in the “eye of the beholder”. That means between my perspective of myself as a mother, the outside world view of me being a mother, my family and friends perspective, my partner’s views and most importantly my child’s. Out of the whole list the only person perspective that matters is my child. Miss Trinidee Wynter White is the only one to determine whether she feels I was a “good Mother” or not if I am. Next is myself, only I can answer those questions above. I guess next on that list would be my partner. But everyone else’s opinion truly doesn’t matter nor exist when it comes to being a good mother. Of course I don’t mind folks giving me advice or even hearing how I am doing great or going to do great. That’s amazing things to hear and can be very affirming to my motherhood but it doesn’t matter.

I am a Good Mother

So, as I sit with the question of what it means to be a good mother and what that looks like for me. I can say this with certainty: I am, and I will continue to be, a good mom .

Not because I have all the answers. Not because I am perfect. But because I am intentional, self-aware, and willing to grow. I have done the work to heal, and I remain committed to the journey of healing, knowing that motherhood will uncover things I didn’t even realize were still tender.

When those moments arise, I trust myself to face them, to learn from them, and to choose differently when needed. I believe in my capacity to nurture, to protect, and to love deeply.

I am a good mother, not because I am without flaws, but because I show up with honesty, care, and an open heart.

Oh Shit!! I'm Pregnant, Cont.

Mon, 17 Nov 2025 20:54:11 GMT

Part 2: Life's biggest detour

Like I said before we get into the tea of my pregnancy… we have to talk about some of those detours. And one of the biggest detours I’ve ever faced was losing my father to stage 4 cancer. Thankfully, I had my tribe — my friends, my family, and a THERAPIST who held space for me in ways I didn’t even know I needed.

Quick sidenote: I actually started therapy earlier that year, not because anything traumatic was happening, but because I finally realized I needed support navigating my anxiety, my hesitations in life, and honestly… my patterns in love. Therapy helped me understand why I kept running into flings and situationships when deep down all I wanted was real partnership. It also help me with navigation of friendships and setting boundaries with my family.

Therapy doesn’t have to be a response to hardship.You can start therapy even when everything feels phenomenal — because sometimes that’s when you finally have the space to understand yourself on a deeper level.

Now back to the detour.

My dad called me one day, nothing unusual really, but the call felt different. He sounded content in a way that made my stomach drop. He joked around like he always did, but beneath it I could hear what he wasn’t saying. He was simply talking about how tired he was with treatments. I didn’t put it together until later, but that call might’ve been his way of saying goodbye.

A couple weeks passed before my uncle called, urging me to convince my dad to keep trying chemo and a possible trial. I said I would… but in my heart I knew my father was tired. I knew he had made peace with his fate. So I honored that and didn’t push him.

Then came another call probably a week later: my dad wasn’t doing well. Still, a part of me didn’t take the call too seriously. Maybe because our relationship was always complicated — full of love, but also full of resentment I had only recently worked through. So, I sort of didn’t care, if I am being honest. My uncle informed me that he was taking my father to the hospital and I should come up there to visit. My thoughts were “hmm Maybe.” But I went the next day because I couldn’t shake the feeling I had during that call with my father; that quiet knowing deep in my chest that his time here was nearing its end.

When I went to the hospital… It shattered me. I didn’t recognize him. Cancer had taken so much from him, even his coherence. I took FMLA(time off of work) and stayed by his side through the hospital and then the hospice process. Making overwhelming decisions alongside my uncles because I was his only child which meant I had power of attorney. While watching him decline took a toll on me, to the point I was self medicating and “crashing out”. I had to take step back for my own mental health.

And on the day I finally gathered the strength to visit again, I walked in and he looked so peaceful. Even though he couldn’t really speak, he seemed so eager to tell me something. Every time he tried to form the words, all that came out was, “Deborah.” Just my name…. So I held his hand, stayed right there with him, and told him, “I’m here. I love you too.” That seemed to bring him peace. He just looked at me and smiled.

I sat with him for two hours like that — just presence, love, and unspoken words — before he crossed over right before my eyes.

That was the biggest detour of my year — navigating the heartbreak, the childhood wounds, the healing, the anger, the forgiveness, and the gratitude for the good memories too. It was all tangled together, and I had to feel every bit of it.

Subscribe… so you can be the first to get the tea on my next blog post. It’s all about me and my man, my man, my man — and oh yeah… the fact that I’m PREGNANT!

Oh SHIT!! I'm Pregnant

Wed, 29 Oct 2025 18:17:57 GMT

Let me update y'all on my Cozy Life!

Uhh, where do I even start..... This last year has been transformational, fulfilling, challenging and full of lessons I didn't know I needed.

I know what you are thinking; "Girl, you're pregnant?! By who? Are you even with this person?." Trust me we'll get to all the tea. But first, we need to catch up because your girl has been quiet! For the most part

I haven't written a blog post in a while, barely have touched my website and social media. Whew I been MIA on the Cozy Lifestyle end. I mean I threw up a few "wellness" post here and there on Instagram (follow me @Cozycornertalks_). But honestly, I haven't done anything I planned for my business. And you know what? That's is OKAY!

Before, I would've felt like a failure and spiral into negative self-talk. But not this time, I am choosing grace. I've learned that not everything has to happen on your timeline(a restriction you set for yourself, really) because LIFE! Sometimes life reroutes you so you can grow, rest, or focus on what actually matters to live a healthy and cozy life. And that takes priority over your intended accomplishments.

Those detours? They’re part of the cozy life too.

So before we get into pregnancy and love stories, let’s rewind a bit…

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Owning my Voice!

Wed, 04 Jan 2023 22:00:00 GMT

Tangents and 2022 Recap!.....

New Year’s resolution?.........End of year recap??.... Hmmm what will I write about for my first official blog post. I guess first I should introduce myself to my readers.

So, hey y’all! My name is Deborah (Dee-Bore-Rah) mainly known as DeeDee. I am founder and CEO of Cozy Corner Talks LLC. I am a self-published author of “The Truth in Part of My Healing” poetry book. I am a Community Engagement Specialist for PACTS/EPIC at Community Behavioral Health for the Department of Behavioral Health and Intellectual Disabilities. A young professional that has paved her own way. A public speaker and motivator. That feels amazing to say and be! Oh, and did I mention I am a gorgeous woman!

Okay! Now that you know who I am, let's get into the blog. But Shit, let me explain the whole point of me blogging.

Alright, so I will be putting out a blog twice a month or once a month. Who knows life be happening between working a 9-5, being a part-time student at Jefferson University, being 25, having a social life, and running an LLC. I am quite busy, but this blog will be about all of that and more! This will be a way to “Tickle my Fancy” and have a new hobby. I have always wanted to blog and be a journalist. I even journal daily, when I can anyway. I think now is the perfect time to do this, especially since I am always eating at different restaurants, going to different social events, and just going through shit we can all relate too. So, buckle up and enjoy the life of a twenty something year old.

Finally! You all can now read what the fuck “Owning My Voice” is about (The title of this blog, duh!). I love suspense and tangents, if you haven't noticed. Todays blog topic is about retrospection of my past year and anticipation of the new. Yes, I am doing a generic ass end of year recap. Shit we've been seeing and reading about on social media all damn weeks! But don't worry mine will be short and sweet. And trust me it won't be no New Year, New Me BS. This post is more of a letter to 2022, what I've experienced and a promise to 2023.

Dear 2022,

You were amazing to me. It was filled with laughter, smiles, success, thrive and fully authentically being myself. And honestly finding myself as well. I fully immersed and betted on myself personally and professionally. I made challenging decisions that supported me mentally. Like speaking up when things started to feel uneasy in my own home and making the choice to now live alone (well in 4 months from now, when this lease is up). Who knows what that will look like I'll let y’all know once it fully happens. I finally put out my book, created my website, and have been consulting for CHOP and a small business. I gave presentations on the importance of being a trauma informed youth advocate to two universities. I have been featured on FOX 29 news. I honestly do not have much to say about 2022. I accomplished all my goals except for one. Which is being on a podcast but honestly being on the News surely outweighs a podcast. Oh shit and I didn't make Forbes "30 under 30" but shit I'm 25 I have 5years to obtain that goal. Other than those things my list is complete. I've had more success than I expected all do to divine timing and believing in myself. So, thank you for allowing me to not only shine my light but to see the light everyone else has told me I possess.

Oh shit! Y'all! This is somewhat of a tearjerker. I'm joking not a tearjerker, more like a learnt lesson of finding myself in 2022. I have distanced myself from my “immediate” friends. I started to feel like things were not mutual between us. Like they were not processing or growing in the ways I was and honestly the way I know they could. Majority of my friends were formed from trauma bonding experiences and when we were going through dark moments in life. I started to realize that's all we had in common. I realized that the advice I would get from them was not necessarily a mature answer. (If that makes any sense) I love them deeply, but I needed to set boundaries and space. I still spend time together with them and support them. Compared to the friends and people I have been meeting throughout 2022 has shown me that the people you spend time with are truly the reflection of you. I am by no means blaming them for anything. You just grow away from some people, you know.

This is my truth and that was my year of Finding My Authenticity! Now for this year guess what I will be “Owning my Voice”! I do not have many goals, well of course I have many goals that will be achieved. But more importantly this year I am focused on me and all that I come with. I will be fully telling people what I do and not just simplifying all that I am. So let me reintroduce myself:

“My name is Deborah (Dee-Bore-Rah) known as DeeDee. I am founder and CEO of Cozy Corner Talks LLC. I am a self-published author of “The Truth in Part of My Healing” poetry book. I am a Community Engagement Specialist for PACTS/EPIC at Community Behavioral Health for the Department of Behavioral Health and Intellectual Disabilities. A young professional that has paved my own way. A public speaker and motivator. That feels amazing to say and be! Oh, and did I mention I am a gorgeous woman!”

I am excited to continue adding to my list of accomplishments.

I am looking forward to speaking more about my work.

I am glad to be fully myself!

I am ready to this chapter of Deborah/DeeDee

Love, DeeDee!

Also known as Deborah Irby